Dear Homegurl

Dear homegurl,

I've been having these bizarre dreams lately about the entire population turning into me, everyone with my face, my voice, and my personality: 7 billion me’s! All with my colossal appetite, and at first the world ran out of cheese balls, then chicken nuggets, and within a week there was no more food left. But we're all still very hungry, and I start to eat myself, well the self I was sitting next to, and I taste pretty damn good. The world is a bloodbath of cannibalistic me’s munching on each other and enjoying it. I've had this dream every day for the past week and every time it ends with getting eaten by another me and waking up screaming. I need to know what this means so I can work through my issues and go back to dreaming about cats. PLEASE HELP!!

- cheeseballsaregr8

Dear cheeseballsaregr8,

It sounds like grippy socks and padded rooms are in your future. For now, hang on to the sanity you have left and don't worry! There are cheese balls in the loony bin; I know how much we love them.

Please and Blessin's <3 Homegurl

Dear Homegurl,

How do I get a famous person to fall in love with me? I need Austin Butler in my life this very second. He's so dreamy, and his voice is soooooo hot. Maybe I should be asking Jessica for advice on pulling famous people cuz you know…. Matthew McConaughey….. but I thought perhaps you had the answers I needed.

- austinbutler4eva

Dear austinbutler4eva,

I agree, I had to go to the expert. Unfortunately, Jessica pleaded the 5th so the mystery remains.

Please and Blessin's <3 Homegurl